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  • About Kaitlin
  • Somatic Workbook [Pre-Order]
  • Podcast & Blog
  • Learn with Kaitlin
  • Contact
  • FREE STRESS RELIEF TRAINING

Writing Your Lovestory: The Science of Attachment

with Bethany Saltman
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Welcome to the twelfth episode of Season Four of Wisdom for Wellbeing Podcast. On this episode I interview Bethany Saltman, Author, Editor, & Researcher.

This episode is particularly fitting for the week of Valentine’s Day as Bethany talks about how the science of attachment can bring us closer to ourselves and those we love.

Want to keep in touch? Head to @drkaitlin on Instagram or @wisdomforwellbeingpod on Facebook to connect.

What is covered in this episode:

>>What it means to have inner authority

>>Understanding attachment science vs the pop culture of attachment parenting

>>How we are hard-wired for attachment from an evolutionary framework, and what this means physiologically

>>Understanding how we provide a ‘mystical mirror’ over generations

>>Bethany’s struggles as a mother and insights into the shifts that can happen when we look at our grief and pain

>>The role Bethany’s spiritual practice as a Buddhist has had in allowing her to sit with discomfort

>>The different means of attachment in psychological science and Buddhist philosophy

>>The empowering view of it never being to late to cultivate secure attachment with yourself and others

>>How you can start writing your own love-story and the role this has in your wellbeing

Links Discussed

  • bethanysaltman.com
  • Check out Bethany’s book Strange Situation: A Mother’s Journey into the Science of Attachment
  • Instagram @bethany_saltman

Bethany Saltman

Bethany Saltman is an author, editor and researcher, and her work can be seen in magazines like the New Yorker, New York Magazine, Atlantic Monthly, Parents, and many others.

Strange Situation: A Mother’s Journey Into the Science of Attachment, published in April, 2020 by Random House, is her first book. It’s inspired by the birth of her daughter in 2006, who she loved dearly, but feared she was failing. Why? Because she was still her, and not the kind of mother she’d hoped to become. So she spent ten years teaching herself the science of attachment, traveling to labs, trainings, and archives, trying to discover what kind of mother she really was, and if she was good enough for her. What she learned changed everything about how she thought of herself, her childhood, and the nature of love.

She is incredibly proud that, among other incredible reviews and accolades, New Scientist called Strange Situation One of the Best Science Books of 2020.

She is also a bestselling book coach, helping writers envision and execute their books—from pitch, to platform, to proposal, to publication, to PR.

Bethany received a B.A. from Antioch College, where she was one of the architects of the nation’s first Affirmative Consent Policy. She went on to receive her M.F.A in poetry from Brooklyn College, where she studied with Allen Ginsberg and published her work in many national journals. She is honored that Antioch awarded her their 2020 Rebecca Rice Award for Achievement in Profession.

A longtime Zen student, she is devoted to the fine art and game-changing effects of paying attention.

She lives in a small town in the Catskills with her husband, daughter, and two dogs.

Listen to previous Podcasts

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Professor Holger Cramer in grey blazer with glasses stands smiling with arms crossed
Season 5: Episode 20

What You Need to Know to Use Yoga as a Therapeutic Health Practice

with Professor Holger Cramber
Season 5: Episode 19

Therapists on the Mic: Psychological Reflections on the Podcast and Life 

with Kaitlin Harkess, PhD & Kate Matthew, MPsych
Season 5: Episode 18

Valued Living in the Holiday Rush

with Kaitlin Harkess, PhD
1 2 3

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This season, the real flex is slowing down enough This season, the real flex is slowing down enough to feel your own body again.✨

I’ve been playing with a few new tools to navigate my nervous system in the rush toward year’s end (hello CrossFit-style class… and yes, that Lagree class I shared last week!). And in the evenings, this looks like giving my legs some much-needed TLC with the @shaktimats Acupressure Leg Wraps (magic 💖).

These wraps hug your calf and upper leg with such clever design, they avoiding the shin, adjustable compression straps, and honestly… the moment you put them on, you have to sit down. Which, for so many of us during the holidays, is half the medicine.

A built-in pause.
A forced exhale.
A moment to be with yourself (and… perhaps… your book or journal!)

I’ve been settling in and just let the acupressure do its thing while reading, relaxing and soaking up the slow of some grounding breaths and horizontal time in front of the tree. A small ritual of care in a month where energy pours outward in every direction… caregiving, planning, wrapping, doing.

And while my focus has been on recovery and balancing movement and stress, a colleague shared that she’s been using these wraps to help her navigate some of the muscular tension and sensory discomfort she experiences with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). It really highlighted how adaptable these kinds of tools can be, whether it’s supporting tired legs, providing gentle pressure, encouraging grounding, or simply creating a moment of stillness we wouldn’t otherwise take.

If you’ve followed me for a while, you’ll know I’m all about practices and tools that create space for the body to settle. Not hacks. But intentional little invitations back to ourselves, especially in seasons where we need it most.

So if you’re in the thick of the holiday busyness, consider this your reminder: you’re allowed to stop. You’re allowed to care for the body that carries so much. And you’re allowed to invest in the support that helps you move into the new year nourished, not depleted. 

Have you tried Shakti? Thoughts👇
This morning I tried something new… and wow, what This morning I tried something new… and wow, what a beautiful way to start a Sunday.

I went to a Lagree class at @corebrew_lagree here on Kaurna Land in the Adelaide CBD, and the moment I stepped inside I could feel my whole system exhale. The studio was open and bright, sunlight streaming in, that soft morning glow filling the space.

There’s something special about moving your body in a way it’s not used to - waking up deep stabilisers, slowing things down enough to truly feel the effort, the tremble, the strength building from the inside out. Lagree is such an interesting blend of slow, mindful resistance and controlled challenge… which, in many ways, is exactly what somatic work invites too. Not pushing through. Not dominating the body. But meeting sensation with awareness, curiosity, and breath.

Trying something new can be a little nerve-wracking… that flutter of activation we all feel stepping into the unfamiliar. Yet, it can also be such a gift! Today it reminded me how aliveness often sits just on the other side of “I’m not sure about this.”

And the best part? The community feel. People smiling, chatting, supporting each other. I even ran into someone I studied with many years ago, which made the world feel suddenly smaller in such a connecting way. I finished the class to have my coffee ready, perfection.

Tell me, have you tried Lagree? If not, lean into your curiosity ✨
You can ONLY understand your life backwards! In m You can ONLY understand your life backwards!

In my case it was very important that in my 20s I took a scholarship to do a clinical psychology PhD and stay in Australia… because it allowed me to research yoga, the mind–body connection, and put me on the path to writing The Somatic Workbook for Nervous System Regulation and Anxiety Management with @pesipublishing, supporting thousands of people to heal.

But the real truth is this:
So many of the choices that felt uncertain, stressful, or even “wrong” at the time were quietly pointing me exactly where I needed to go.

And if we look back further than my 20s, we might even say that some of the suffering earlier in life is what nudged me toward yoga in the first place. Yoga opened the door to psychology. Psychology opened the door to understanding the nervous system. And that journey is what allowed me to weave everything together into this book.

The Somatic Workbook is built on the idea that our emotional and behavioural patterns aren’t failures. They’re protective adaptations, shaped by the challenges we’ve lived through. Sometimes even the hardest experiences lay the foundations for our future clarity, meaning, and purpose.

If you’re curious about your own protective patterns or the schemas (those deep-down beliefs about ourselves and the world) that might still be influencing how you move through life, this book will help you understand and gently unwind them so they don’t hold you back from what’s next.

✨ The Somatic Workbook for Nervous System Regulation and Anxiety Management
Link in bio if you’d like to dive deeper into your own healing ❤️‍🩹 maybe it’s just the tool you need under the tree to support you in starting 2026 with a little more clarity.
Sure… a bath, a book and candles feel okay in the Sure… a bath, a book and candles feel okay in the moment. But this is NOT self care.
This is self soothing.

Self soothing helps you ground and allows your body soften just enough to catch its breath. It has a place and it matters.
But it doesn’t change the deeper truth that life has been full and your nervous system has been carrying a lot.

Real self care is different.
It’s the lifestyle medicine. The boundaries you set, the rest you protect, the food that nourishes you, the relationships that steady you, the sunlight and movement that help your system regulate.
It’s the choices that shift the conditions your nervous system lives in, not just the way you feel for a few minutes.

Both are important, but they’re not the same.

If you want gentle, research-informed practices to support daily regulation, The Somatic Workbook for Nervous System Regulation and Anxiety Management is linked in my bio.

Now tell me… what are your thoughts on whatever we call ‘manifesting’ - I’m so curious! ✨
Is the holiday season feeling more overwhelming th Is the holiday season feeling more overwhelming than “joyful and bright”? You’re not alone!

I’m honoured to have been part of an amazing @bodyandsoul_au piece by @adavies234 that explored how you can navigate stress and stay connected to yourself through the festivities ahead. Some amazing wellness experts have shared their favourite strategies, and The Somatic Workbook is referenced in it too, Yey!

Grap a copy of the Sunday paper if you want a few grounded reminders as we move through December.

Curious about The Somatic Workbook for Nervous System Regulation and Anxiety Management? It’s my practical, research-informed guide for working with your nervous system. There’s more info in the link in my bio🔗 Maybe it will even find its home under a few Christmas trees and set the tone for a more regulated nervous system in the year ahead 💝
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Dr. Kaitlin pays her respects to the Kaurna peoples as the Traditional Owner’s of the land on which she works and lives. Dr Kaitlin acknowledges that the Kaurna people have social, spiritual and historical connections to this land and their connections are as strong today as they have always been. She would like to extend this acknowledgment out to the Traditional Owners of the land on which you are based, and to acknowledge the Ktunaxa and Kinbasket Peoples of what is now called Canada, as she was born and gratefully raised on their traditional unceded territory.

Mandala Artwork by Scarlet Barnett
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